CELEBRATIONS AND PREPARATIONS

Thursday, February 23, 2012, was a major marriage milestone for Betty and me. Given the uncertainty of life, we did not know whether we would both be here to celebrate this anniversary or not because of the diagnosis and progress of Betty’s cancer after we became aware of it last September. But by the Lord’s mercies, since the diagnosis we have seen Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Day, our birthdays in January, and now perhaps the most precious of all to us, our 48th Anniversary.

Do you tend to measure the periods of your lives as we do like chapters in a book or by the milestones passed, or by important events we choose to commemorate? Where we lived, which major events occurred and when, and what was going on in the world around us – these are distinguishing landmarks in the journey of life, and we refer to them repeatedly as we celebrate where we are and where we have been. It’s how we keep track of family history and a host of friendships.

Although our lives had apparently crossed earlier, we really didn’t meet and become an item until we met at Pepperdine, then still a small Christian college in south Los Angeles. We managed a whirlwind courtship as this brief outline will suggest: our first “date” on January 4th (between our birthdays), my proposal on February 4th, and our wedding on Sunday, February 23rd. We cut classes to honeymoon at Disneyland on Monday only to find it closed! With limited options, and no time or money to squander, we ended up visiting a new place called Knott’s Berry Farm for lunch before crossing the street to take in the Alligator Ranch as well. Back at school Betty was not allowed to take the mid-term test she missed on Monday and had to repeat the class later. And that week we moved into our first home in the WWII barracks called Normandie Village, Pepperdine’s housing for married students.

After we both graduated we moved to Beaumont, California, where I taught English and Speech for two years. That began my career, but our best achievement there was the birth of our first child, David Matthew. Unable to raise support to do missionary work in Japan, we opted instead for Juneau, Alaska, where I continued to teach English and other related communications subjects. Betty did some substitute teaching and worked a while for the State. Twice again our finest accomplishments in the early years there were Patricia Kay and Geoffrey Kent. Our lives revolved around the three children, our active participation in the Juneau Church of Christ, my various employments, and exploring the recreational offerings of the Alaskan frontier.

While the kids were young, Betty was always home to care for them. We believed it was vital to promote their education - socially, academically, physically, and spiritually - and we tempered every decision in light of those fundamental principles. Even after all elementary schooling was behind us and Betty worked for the Federal Fisheries Laboratory as an editor and primary support to the Academic Dean, it was understood that her children’s needs came before her job. With her skills and value proven, her boss, a world-famous fisheries scientist was both supportive and protective of this arrangement because he needed her and knew she would not abuse their agreement.

During our remaining years in Alaska, we continued to be involved in church and community activities, and any other pursuit which would strengthen our family or support the abilities of our children. They in turn, excelled in school and in their own areas of interest. By the time we left Alaska and relocated in Washington State, Betty and I had been married twenty-three years and two of the kids were in college. We selected Vancouver, so Geoffrey could complete high school at Columbia Christian High School, and we were more than rewarded by the outstanding results over his three years there. Almost before we could get settled, Patty married her high school sweetheart who had followed her to Harding University. In only a few years we experienced what may have been our most interesting transition – marriage-wise! We became empty nesters and had the delightful opportunity to get to know one another all over again. The following years brought some travel, an opportunity to serve the church in a special way, David’s marriage, and the first granddaughters, but it also brought the diagnosis of Parkinson’s Disease for Betty in 1990.

Some highlights of the next decade included a little international travel. We twice had the opportunity to visit Togo, West Africa, while Edwin and Patty were working there with a missionary team planting churches. Later, Geoffrey taught school in Caracas, Venezuela, for two years and we enjoyed visiting him in that lovely place. We drove across the country, attended meetings and seeing friends on several occasions. When Betty wrote her book about “Jessie” - a book everyone should read!! – we drove to Alaska twice for on-site research in Eagle on the Yukon River. Memories of those travels are special to us. Another major activity we have loved is hosting mid-week Bible Study Groups during the past twenty years or more. Some of dearest and closest friends have been those who are now or who once were a part of these awesome fellowships. All we have done has been done together and has helped us grow closer and more focused as man and wife, and we hope the advice and assistance and example we have shared with others makes their marriages as strong and as loving as is ours.

Clearly, I could wax on and on but this “short blog” is not the right format for that. Today we are dealing with Betty’s decline caused by the uterine cancer which has captured her bones. This week we are dealing with much pain and trying to control it still with an ever stronger combination of pills. Betty is having periods of confusion and disorientation and even disconnect. Part of the time she is mixing the reality of the moment with recent dreams or her own private perceptions. We are having trouble understanding and interpreting her words which are often inaudible or without meaning to us. Her injuries and disability from that fall last week are not diminishing and since the x-rays did not show any fractures we are now guessing the she pulled muscles or tendons in her thigh and groin which are painful and prevent her from bearing her own weight.

Today, Saturday the 25th, all three of her kids are with her. Geoffrey arrived yesterday from Juneau; David came from Kennewick; Patty has cleared much of her schedule to be here too. At the moment they are singing camp songs like “The Bear in Tennis Shoes”! With this kind of stimulation, Betty is more alert and responsive and at times able to participate to some degree in the conversations. Her need to sleep so much and the ebb and flow of the effective minutes of her medications requires us to be extremely flexible as to when to plan meals or entertainment or any other activity. Domestic chores are worked in when least disruptive or while she is napping.

Finally, to wrap up this posting, it is the moments of prayer, or Bible reading, or as someone sings to/with her that Betty gets that far-away look in her eyes as though she can somehow see just beyond the veil and catch a glimpse of the heaven that awaits her. Last night, upon learning of the death on Friday of our precious friend Kay V. from her own battle against cancer, Betty remarked, “She was a good lady and a good friend. We are going to be together soon”. With similar confidence, we are all looking forward to the comforts of heaven one day. Betty will be first, but all the rest of us plan to join her when our own passing comes. Even so, right now my hardest moments come with the tender thoughts in prayers and in considering the meanings of the verses in songs about heaven and about finally being with the Lord where He has prepared mansions for the faithful. That, and enduring this terrible process of watching my darling decline from the wonderful way she has always lived life are almost unbearable. I’ve had in mind a thought early Christians expressed, “Maranatha”, or Come Lord. And as the Revelation concludes, Jesus says, “Yes, I am coming quickly". And the writer John responds, “Amen, Come, Lord Jesus”. And I can accept that now, for her sake. So, Lord, if it is your will, do come quickly.

PS Check out Patty's blog "A Gentle Touch" on www.clayinkpot.blogspot.com or link to it on my sidebar.