SWEET BETTY, MY BRIDE

This picture taken Thanksgiving week, 2011.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BETTY (on JANUARY 3rd)

***Thanks to our kids, our friends and even a few thoughtful strangers, we had a wonderful Christmas Holiday gathering. The most precious gift of all, with the obvious exception of celebrating the Birth and Incarnation of a Savior, was having Betty to cherish, honor, and even spoil a little. All the activity and attention including the opening of presents by the grandsons really centered on making sure “Memaw” was comfortable, involved, served, and the focus of all that was going on.
***Our family custom of taking turns opening gifts one at a time, starting with the youngest, while the rest watch to see what is revealed and the reaction of the recipient took a long time this year with all fifteen of us assembled and a mountain of wrapped presents surrounding the tree and covering the lower limbs. Still, we kept up a lively pace and eventually all was revealed and each of us had ample evidence that Santa and family truly loved each one of us best.
***The usual grand meal was delayed until late in the afternoon, and this year it was scaled back to only two or three times as much as we could actually consume at a single sitting. There was ham and a dozen trimmings and enough left-overs for several days of additional meals. There were bottles of bubbly soda, a multitude of desserts, and every sort of extra treat.
***Betty and I agreed that much of our joys came from (1) time we were able to spend with each adult, and (2) watching the precious way the cousins (shorthand for all the kids) interacted. There are special combinations of older girls and younger girls but they all mix in special and loving ways. Each of these also made special efforts to monitor and spend play-time with the boys (3 yrs & 20 mos.). Both Grandma and Papa John had individual time with each grandkid, so our “quivers are full” and we are most content indeed.
***With the continuing onslaught of her cancer, Betty’s physical condition continues to weaken and she seems to spend much more time a-bed, napping or simply resting this week. Nasty nausea continues to cause the greatest discomfort as the non-narcotic medications are still able to control the basic bone pain. One considerable concern is her lack of appetite and her loss of desire to eat more than a few bites early in the day. She has tried but just can’t keep much down. Now we are starting to notice weight loss and will be monitoring that factor as another indicator of her daily condition.
***All of us who are close to Betty testify together that she remains strong in spirit and faith and in her determination to make this process as easy and pleasant for the rest of us as possible. There are no complaints, no regrets, no demands, no whining, and no negative comments. She is cheerful, encouraging, sometimes witty, and generous with her kind words. If she has a fault, it might be in apologizing for “being a burden” or for letting us wait upon her every little need when she thinks she can get up and take care of it herself. (When she can, we let her, but much of the time she can’t really do all she thinks she should be doing, so we are constantly trying to anticipate what she needs and what she is plotting to do.)
***Let me continue to state that the mail and calls Betty is receiving so faithfully from you is usually the highlight of the day. Her mother used to send long handwritten letters every few days and Betty always looked forward to those letters of love more than anything else. Even now, nothing delights her more than to receive even a card merely signed. A card with a message is treasured, and a real letter is read and reread, and every nuance of love and joy is extracted from each word and phrase of the text. Our day is not complete until I have visited the mailbox and should I forget, I will be reminded. Let me write this boldly: Take a moment to send her a Happy Birthday Card right away (Jan.3, 2012) and jot in it a few words of encouragement and include something about yourself and how you are doing. Thank You.

[Here's our address: 2109 NE 185th Ave. Vancouver, WA-USA 98684]

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM BETTY AND ME

Greetings to all my regular readers. Thank you for your comments and for your support. Every thought you share is another blessing to us. Although I'm not putting up the comments now, they are each appreciated and mean a lot to us. We hope you will have a warm celebration with your most precious family and friends that will equal the one we are going to enjoy together this week. Here's this week's report on my precious and special bride.

This gritty lady of mine continues to amaze me and her kids, her friends and fellow church goers, and our dedicated Hospice nurse. As an insider to her activities around here, I get to see how determined she to accomplish various activities of daily living and how she continues to “over-reach” herself. Some of the things she tries to do backfire because while her mind understands the mechanics of a task, her body is limited in how well it can perform. The combination of poor balance, and literally reaching beyond the tipping point combined with more weakness than she will admit has led to more than one recent fall and to several serious scares over near flops. I have explained how terrified I am that she might fall and break a hip or other major bone – or any bone, for that matter, as rotten as they are becoming – and unnecessarily hasten her decline. She, of course, promises to be careful. I am holding my breath; however, I’m not supposed to hover too closely either. She needs to have room to do what she can still do on her own.

Never-the-less, as I started to explain, little Miss “I-Can-Do-It-Myself” seems to know her ability and understand her limits better than any of the rest of us. She is getting around the house and getting her own e-mail and ice cream and enjoys helping tend to the grandsons. There are some limits, but overall she still achieves beyond our expectations. For example, Betty has not missed a Sunday of attending Worship because of her disabling cancer and one evening this week she was able to go with me to be part of a prayer group visit to a sweet friend who has just entered Hospice care herself. Since any trip out of the house is now a major effort, Betty’s determination to go out at night (her most difficult hours) to help support a Christian sister who is herself now incapacitated by this wicked disease is testimony to her indomitable spirit and to what John Wayne would have called her “sand”. (An old West word for “True Grit”.)

So here we are only a couple of shopping days before Christmas and we really haven’t had any chance to get her out to join the frenzy from store to store. The blessing of all this is that just a few months ago not a single doctor or nurse or other medical expert was willing to even express the possibility of our being able to share the Christmas Holidays together as family and have Betty still with us. We are trying to convince her that we will not miss presents she might have selected and wrapped and put under the tree for each of us because she herself is the best possible gift any of us will celebrate this year.

Betty is experiencing more pain but she does not complain. I've always known she has a high tolerance threshhold, well beyond what I can endure, but even walking with the walker is a struggle for her now, but she doesn't even think of giving up. So for now, we work around the come-and-go nausea related illnesses and we accommodate quiet times while she works on her napping skills, and we are able to keep everyone else fed even if she isn’t joining in for all the meals. What we could not do is celebrate family Christmas without her this particular year. Another thing we can not do without is the sum of all the prayers in Betty’s behalf that each one of you is offering for every one of her remaining days.

Enjoy the “Lights of the Season” but remember who is the permanent “Light of the World” Please have a wonderful Holiday with your loved ones. Merry Christmas!

T'WAS THE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS

OK, just a brief note today to represent this week. Basically there is little change in Betty’s condition. She is still suffering nausea and often will suddenly “toss her cookies” [Sorry, there are few nice ways to mention vomiting.] Most of the time that takes care of the problem for a while and she rarely enters the cycle of continuing into the “dry heaves” stage. The results, however, are always the same. She loses any food she has managed to eat and any recent pills are lost also, so we wait a bit and try the dose again. Since a couple of the tabs are to counter/prevent? Nausea, timing and retention are interacting puzzles. She is eating very little now and is slowly growing weaker, and she is falling more often. This is a normal progression in the later weeks of this illness. Just keep her in your frequent prayers, please.

Thursday evening Betty was asked to be the guest speaker for the church youth group. The organizers suggested she just tell her story which she did quite briefly, and her remarks were quite appropriate for a teenage group. Unfortunately many of the kids attending were much younger and I felt many of the more important suggestions she included about making important decisions at various stages of life were not understood. More's the pity since most kids are really unskilled at exercising good decision making skills. The effort seemed to take a lot out of both of us and we spent much of early Friday morning returning to a warm bed to extend our “naps”. [We are beginning to follow the wonderful example of Ira and Fern, a precious senior couple who chose to spend much of their dwindling time together talking cuddling.]

Grandson Lucas John is home from his tonsil and adenoid surgery and too sore to want to swallow. At first he was resisting offers of cool drink, including Papa John’s ice cream shake, but he was quick to bring a book to Memaw who lovingly read it to him, (after which he put the book back in its place and brings her another). I guess we know who rates around here!! By Friday night Lucas was mostly back to his usual activities, PTL.

Finally, today may have been unusual in one respect. I think it is the first day since mid-August on which Betty did not receive at least one card of love and comfort from some admirer somewhere in the world. (I’m sure this is because of the inefficiency of the postal service and not that her precious public has said all it has to say). I know I’ve mentioned this before, but the cards and message received from everyone have been a daily joy to her and an important part of her doing so well so far. She reads and rereads them every one and shares them with me other family and with select visitors as she praises the senders and expresses her wonder at the tender words the mail has brought.

Family gathers this coming week to celebrate together again. We are all looking forward to hunkering down at home and being with one another through the holiday weekend. Our hope in the coming week is that all of you will reflect upon the Miracle of Incarnation which began in a humble manger and culminated in the Power of Resurrection. What a Gift to us all!! Remember to unwrap this story with others (your family, perhaps?) sometime in the next few days and keep its important message with you throughout the coming year. It will warm your spirit and bless you beyond measure. So, Happy Birthday, Lord Jesus.

A BALANCE OF CHANGES AND BLESSINGS

***Here we go again with the nausea and accompanying “pink tubs”. Betty has been having more frequent bouts of this illness, and following a couple of falls early this week, she is also having considerably more pain. Hospice nurse Cathey has increased the dosage of her non-narcotic anti-pain medication and that has helped somewhat, but the resultant effect seems to be longer and more frequent naps. Those who have called and asked to drop by when convenient are seeing her still in her jammies these days.
***Another change I am more concerned about is that she is only eating bits and dabs of her meals now. Betty explained it to her oncologist as just not being hungry and his explanation was that this is a common development as the body reacts (“accommodates”) to the ongoing cancer which is still at work. Finally, it is increasingly obvious to me, at least, that she is weaker and is not as capable physically as she was a month ago. Getting around – just inside from room to room, up and down from bed and chairs, in and out of the front door or the car – is beginning to require deliberate thought and strategic pauses to figure out balance and foot placement and rally the strength. I am staying much closer as she navigates but still realize that she can go down before I can prevent the tumble as she did earlier this week.
***I do not know if these oncoming problems are deliberately matched by God’s special blessings or not, but it appears that whenever there is a new problem or we face a higher level over some development or deterioration, there also comes to counter it a special letter full of encouraging and loving words, a tender and meaningful call from a dear friend, or an unexpected visit from someone who has been important in our lives. We have noticed a couple of her correspondents are writing weekly with cheerful thoughts and fascinating news and abundant love blended with spiritual encouragement. Of course these are the letters she opens first and over which she lingers longest. In another case, a local family stopped by with a beautiful, handmade seasonal gift in hand to check on her well-being. They brought all their young and wonderful children who very politely participated in the conversations and shared about their schooling and other activities including one of their ongoing money-making projects. (Of course, we quickly invested in that!) Their thoughtfulness in coming to visit and express their love and concern was touching and was deeply appreciated. Before these friends departed, each family was prayed for by the other. (If you know me, you will understand my tears of gratitude both then and now as I relate it to you.) This week my brother from Northern California was able to visit for a few days and be a witness to Betty’s situation and her own state of mind and spirit. I believe he was reassured that she is calm and at peace about her remaining days and that she is being not only brave for herself but heroic in her concern for the peace of mind of others.
***Speaking of tears which come these days with almost every emotion, let me assure you that for me they are always of value. I am finding my tears to come for a host of reasons and in almost every case they bring comfort. Some flow because of joy, some are caused by moments of expressed love, many come in spiritual moments of prayer or when hearing or reading scripture. Those tears that well up when reflecting on the highlights of our past and the many beloved souls we have known and who have been part of our journey together are frequent now as we review the many folk and events that have filled our years with delights. The tears which are most bitter for me are those I shed when thinking of what still lies ahead for Betty and for me. I do not fear her future for it will be eternal and in the warmest sunlight of God’s Love. I do dread the oncoming days of dealing with pain and other discomforts that this cancer still has in store for her. I fear the days that will follow as I must face walking without her until eventually comes the blessing of my own release from mortality. So for now at least, I find my tears – which I do not control – to serve their various purposes, and I ask that you not be concerned for me if my voice “washes out” by a sudden “flash flood”.

A WEEK OF ABUNDANT GRACE

I love bird watching and always enjoy the spring and fall migrations when the many varieties pass through leaving memories of brief glimpses of color, form, behavior and character. This past week, family-wise, has been a similar migratory kaleidoscope with families coming and going. It was a swirl of bodies with all our chicks and all their chicks a part of the multihued cloud from the 23rd to the 30th. The first arrivals were from Alaska and represented overall the youngest average adult and adolescent combinations. That was Geoffrey, Dana, Eli and Lucas. The local brood – Edwin, Patty, Jessica, Bethany, and Tabitha - were quick to check them out. By Wednesday Eve the eastern flock arrived too – David, Paige, Katie, and Payton – giving us a complete mix for the big meal on Thanksgiving Day. That meant our whole flock of fifteen were together again in a wonderful and richly blessed visit as we support one another in this process of celebrating life during a time of eminent threat to our beloved Betty.

With a full meal and all the usual trimmings on the menu activity in our little kitchen required the use of superb timing and physical choreography. But on time and complete as envisioned, the bird and its accompaniments were served with panache and in abundance. Everyone was satisfied and even the refrigerators were stuffed for several days following until a few meals constructed of leftovers, piles of turkey sandwiches, a huge pot of turkey soup, and lots of snacking brought the extras under control.

The days were filled with shopping trips, and various outings. The evenings tended toward games and DVD movies, with helpings of football games and jigsaw puzzles scattered throughout the daytimes. One new event was team competition in a video scavenger hunt, (See Patty’s blog in the sidebar) The house was busy with the hum of family activity, occasional shrieks of a youngster’s opinion, or outbursts of laughter from the grownups. Memaw Betty held sway from her “Dream Chair” and was always ready to read to or encourage the grandsons or join a conversation with the grand-daughters. Fortunately, her current balance of medications allowed most of her waking hours to be free from nausea and emesis. The most noticeable aspect of her current condition was the need for more frequent and longer naps.

One major outing for all was the forty-five mile trip up the Columbia George to the Bonneville Hot Springs Lodge for family pictures. David arranged it and provided all the camera and flash gear required and took over 500 shots both planned and candid. The initial proofs are wonderful and I predict we will treasure this outing and the portraits for ages to come. We all hope to have copies available to each family by Christmas time.

We know Betty’s cancer continues to work in her bones and that pain management is one of the issues we are trying to stay on top of to keep the on-going damage under bearable levels. Problems we can’t even imagine or predict are being anticipated and met capably by the Hospice Nurse, Cathey, on whom we have come to rely for her skills and for her cheerful disposition. We feel we are in good hands and are not expecting any immediate crisis to surprise us.

Let us be assured of your continuing prayers, for we believe that Betty’s easy passage thus far is the result of God’s benevolent Spirit and his gracious answers to the prayers you are saying in Betty’s behalf. Please keep God’s ears full of your constant petitions for her comfort. And thanks again for the steady stream of cards and love letters and calls and contacts, and for those who have “lent a hand” with caregiving and the other ongoing chores. Your allowing me a bit of respite has made my tasks-load much easier and I am most grateful.

Thanksgiving Day is a holiday devoted to thanks giving, but it is only one day of Grace out of them all. Our week of Grace together was deeply appreciated, but we will be as thankful for each new day or week or month of Grace that may remain. Let's use these gifts from God joyfully while we have them, OK?